do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
