i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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