This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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