I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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