last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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