i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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