My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
