i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
