So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
