Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
