There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
