No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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