My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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