I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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