No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
