Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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