Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
