we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
