tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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