Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
another moral hangover. fuck.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
