he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
