Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
