the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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