I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
