when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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