All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
