i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
