btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I came so hard my ears popped.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
