Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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