How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
