bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
