dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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