i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
