She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
