I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
