bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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