I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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