he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
