I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We need to get me chipped asap
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
