I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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