i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
