I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
