hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
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I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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