If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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