if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize