I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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