if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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