hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
