I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
