A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
