I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
