so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
