I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
