the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
