my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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