If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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