Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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