I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
