I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
