I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize