I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
