I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
