I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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