mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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