Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
