No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
