my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
