Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
