So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
