I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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