Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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