Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
