Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In other news, I just burned my penis
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
