We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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