Whod you bang
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
