Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
