someone owes me an orgasm
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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