We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
