and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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