If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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