he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
