There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
