For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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