Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
