He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
